Roberta Swipe here, coming to you live from Bucking Ham House, the home of the Queen of England and her family.
As you can see, it's quite a pad!!
But you haven't come here to hear me gawping and oohing and aaahing, have you? No. So let's get straight on with our special Royal Entertainment News Bulletin, live from Bucking Ham House, England.
As you may know, things have been pretty tough on the citizens of Londinium since the 7th July bombings. Whilst the government has been keen to emphasise that it's business as usual, American visitors to Londinium have fallen by 3%. Apparently, many are still unwilling to risk being blown to pieces by disgruntled Islamofascists or shot repeatedly in the head by the Special Forces whilst innocently boarding a tube train. So, desperate measures call for desperate times, and at this time of National Crisis, as usual, the English Royal Family has taken the lead in showing the best possible face of Britain to the rest of the world.
In an unprecedented development, Princes Charles and Edward have agreed to take the lead roles in a pair of West End Musicals celebrating the lives of two of England's best loved musicians. Prince Charles is set to star in Oh Pirates Yes They Rob I: The Life and Times of Bob Marley at the Almeida Theatre whilst across town, younger brother Edward will be taking his bows as John Lennon in Lennon: The Musical. Early previews suggest that both Princes are on to right royal winners!
One review of the Marley dress rehearsal raved:
"I know Prince Charles has always had an interest in different religions and cultures - especially Rasta fari - but no one could have predicted how much authenticity he has brought to the role of the first Superstar of Reggae. To hear this gawky, public school educated Monarch in waiting sing Burnin'and a Lootin' Tonight with such ferocious conviction made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I haven't been so moved since Bobby Davro's Frank 'n' Furter at Wimbledon." The show, which features all the obvious Marley classics like Jammin', Waiting in Vain and Duppy Conqueror, opens Thursday 13th October.
Prince Edward is also wowing those who have been lucky enough to see run throughs of the murdered ex-Beatle's life story. Brian Sewell was highly impressed:
At a nude viewing, the Evening Standard art critic was treated to:
"A young Lennon so vivid that I had to pinch myself to ensure that I had not fallen asleep and been aroused from slumber to find myself swinging at the Cavern Club. You could almost taste the oestrogen and stale sweat. His Royal Highness boldly foregrounds Lennnon's harsher side - his frequent spastic faces and baiting of Brian Epstein are a joy to behold. The inclusion of some of the more political parts of Lennon's ouevre also impresses. I hadn't heard Luck of the Irish, John Sinclair or Attica State for many a year. And there is real feeling in the way that the young prince delivers the line "but you're still f**ing peasants as far as I can see". All in all, a revelation!"
Lennon: the musical opens in early 2006.
Love on y'all,